I can't believe it, its been a decade

I decided to pick up blogging again for myself more than anything else. I've been reflecting a lot on the past ten years. Birthdays, New Years and anniversaries are kinda funny like that, spending time thinking about the past year; the good, bad, regrets, memories. So here it is.

A friend asked me about this time last year if I wished I never had MS. I looked at him and I answered, honestly, no. I told him if I could change anything, it would be that I didn't see a neurologist for eight years that I hated. I don't know that I'll ever forget that conversation, it is funny how I used to trust my doctor with controlling my disease.

And how unhappy I used to be because I had MS.

And how never told anyone growing up, like it was such a dirty secret.

And how scared I used to be thinking about the future.

Somewhere along the way I decided to take control of the situation and stop letting it control me. I like the person I've become once I made that decision and I'm so so glad I found the BTD because that topped it off. I'm so grateful I have MS because of the person its helped me become and I'm so grateful for my diet and all that has helped me accomplish in my life!

Another thing about my SWAMI

I can't remember a time I felt so lost as when I discovered my genotype. It was completely different from my AB diet (which had already helped me out a ton) so it didn't make any sense to me that AB beneficial foods were suddenly avoids and avoids were superfood. I felt like everything I invested my time and money into had been a waste and this diet was a joke. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to eat so I just ate whatever I wanted. Huge mistake.

However, I did feel like I was starting to be able to tell what foods my body could handle or not despite what my diet at the time said. Almost magically, my SWAMI diet nailed it. I got specific information about my body's strengths and weaknesses when it comes to fighting disease and illnesses and the listed avoids made sense to me. Although I felt like my SWAMI diet was more restrictive, I knew it would be worth itm and it has been.

So this is what I think.

I have a twin sister with MS. It is natural for us (and others) to compare in personality, looks and how MS has effected us. People are horrible. They actually ask us who is worse, why, how that makes us feel. I hate it. While MS has barely affected her, I've been hit hard. While feelings of jealousy are natural in twin relationships, I have yet to be convinced its been as bad in another relationship as it has ours, on my part anyway. As far as I know, my sister could have no idea how I felt all those times I was confined to my bed while she was going on dates every night, the year she got to go to school while I was in was I was left at home to wonder if my health would ever actually improve or how she could drive for so many years before me just because no one trusted my health was good enough. Missing out on so much killed me and it still does.

People always asked and I always wondered why. I never understood how we could be identical twins yet our health so different. I hated it, absolutely. 22 years later, I figured it out.

Once I actually sat down to read my SWAMI profile, everything fit. I'm an explorer, and my SWAMI talks alot about my sensitives to the environment. It is so dead on, I can't believe it, it just makes sense, I've always been sensitive to changes happening around me, as big as my parents divorce or as small as the weather changing while my sister has not at all. My first bad attack with MS was when my parents got separated and each one after that happened during a pretty big change in my life. A lot of people say that MS is an environmental disease but no one knows for sure. I don't know whether it is or not but I do know that the environment plays a pretty big role in the changes and advancement of the disease.

I know I've already said this but I'm so grateful for this diet, I finally feel like I have a handle on MS, if things are getting worse, I know that if I eat better, things will turn around. I know this diet isn't just a fad or a theory, I really believe there is truth behind it.

I waited for a day my health would be as good as hers or better. While I'm following my diet faithfully, she could care less. Needless to say, we're nearly tied.

SWAMI

I followed the B diet until I found out I was an AB. I followed the AB diet until I found out I was a non secretor. I followed the explorer diet until I got my SWAMI. I've been on four diets in four months. Each has helped me in different ways and I really do feel so amazing but also confused. I am grateful that I didn't know I was an AB non secretor at first because then I would probably have done this cold turkey... adjusting to it would have been a pretty big struggle for me. Easing into the BTD/GTD has been the best for me. But now, I forget what food is on what diet, I invested so much of my time memorizing my new diet each time it changed I sort of don't know where to start. I'm back home for a few weeks and my mom is following the A diet which helps a ton. My mom is awesome, if I didn't have her support, I don't know that I would be able to be so good at this.

Today I made ghee for the first time, next time I'll use salted butter and remember not to stir it while the butter is melting. I also made soup off all of my beneficial beans, I didn't know if it was actually good just because I was hungry till my sister confirmed it as such. Our friend let my mom and I come and pick raspberries this morning, apparently they are tired of taking care of their garden. We got ten pounds of raspberries, easily. Superfood! I eat so many fruits and vegtables these days, it is not even funny. I'm pretty sure that contributes to my feeling awesome.

Its funny how much freedom following a diet has given me

I have a friend that decides to give up sugar every now and then for a month or so. She told me she mostly does it to prove to herself that she can do it, and that it gives her more power over her decisions. I never understood what she meant by that until last night when I remembered her saying that so many years ago.
It feels so good to know that I am doing this for myself and that I can do this. At first, I was overwhellmed and this felt impossible. Now I feel so strong. Doing this and it feels amazing. I do feel like I have power over my decisions.

About a year and a half ago, I ended a relationship with a guy who could've cared less about the fact that I have MS and got annoyed when it started to limit how much time I wanted to spend with him. I felt a little bit selfish when it ended because I did it for me, to spend time getting better and taking care of myself without him. I'm so glad I'm finally doing something entirely for myself. It feels so good. I walked for like two miles today for photography and it was so easy, a couple months ago, I could barely make it around the block. I am so grateful for my health.

My roommate likes to think I think better than her just because I'm on a diet

It is so dumb. I never preach or make people feel bad if they are eating food I don't eat. I try dang hard to not eat an avoid and she always makes a big deal about it. I've said so many times how much this diet means to me and she knows how sick I get when I eat an avoid. Still, all along, she's been poking fun or making jokes about my diet and it is annoying but I always ignore her. She is a crazy homemaker and always feels the need to make a big dinner (or breakfast or dessert) of which I can never eat, and invite a lot of people over then point out that I "can't eat" with them. We are going on a group date soon, which I'm not looking forward to (mostly because she will be there) and I'm anticipating she will insist there be lots of food I "can't eat". Awesome. She needs to grow up, I've known it all along and I swore I would never let it bother me. She always takes food to church on Sunday (because three hours is way too long to go without fruit snacks) and she always hands food down the row, again, pointing out that I "can't eat it" then she giggles. I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of her. Last Sunday, she spent all morning making cookies and was, like always, passing them out. This time instead of putting one on my lap then laughing, she stuck it in my face then said, "Oh, that's right, you don't eat cookies!" in her always sing song voice then giggled. I don't understand it when people do things I would never do.  She's so immature it's sick.

I hate admitting this but I get so tired of her pestering me about food I "can't eat" and it gets easier and easier to justify "one bite" or "just a sip". Such decisions, I always regret immediately afterward. I know it is my decision to fall and it is easy to blame it on my roommate. I know it is my fault but she sure doesn't help. I get so tired of all of it, I just feel like I need some support, someone who knows what it is like and will cook meals with me. I ran into my best friend in the library today. She is the best ever. We sat and talked about how dumb my roommate is. Days like today, I remember how serious MS actually is. Not taking MS drugs regularly and slipping up on my diet aren't that assuring. Somehow, my best friend can makes that feel a whole lot less daunting.

I was hoping to get better with the BTD

Not only have my symptoms gotten better, it feels they have nearly reversed. I mean, at first I made huge strides everyday and I thought that was it, the improvements were done. All I know is I never ever imagined feeling so good again!! All those little annoying symptoms make a huge difference in everyday life. Sometimes I feel like it is unfair because I'm doing such a small thing. Well, apparently, it is not that small of a thing.

Today I feel amazing

It has been a very long time since I've felt so good.

I may never again eat beef or banana

I had my blood tested, AB positive (or was it negative?), the most rare of all blood types. Go figure. I was actually pretty surprised even though I had suspected I was AB and a little depressed, I had familiarized myself with the B diet so well. So, I'm not entirely thrilled about but I know it's worth it. 

The title of his message read, "I like your hair" and the body, "that's all"

Could you recieve a funnier facebook message from a stranger? Of course, I took the liberty of looking at his facebook profile. What I found was all sorts of stuff about the blood type diet. The diet, I was entirely interested in.

As unappealing as a diet that had blood in its name was and as little sense as it made to me, I kept on coming back to it. Every night, I read about the diet online, learning more and more and interested in the diet still.

It was a while before I responed to the message but my new friend soon asked me my blood type! I said I thought I was a B and I wanted to learn all about the diet. He said he was certified in it and, even though I don't know how certification per diet measures up, I was in. I knew I wanted to be healthier and I was interested in what it was about, I didn't imagine it would actually help me but, oh, I hoped. For whatever reason, I had lots of faith in my newest friend.

He called me up one night and explained all sorts of things about the diet, of which I didn't understand yet, I had complete faith in already. From what I understood, your body can handle certain foods better than others based on your blood type. He suggested I not eat chicken, tomato, buckwheat, corn and peanuts and I would notice a difference in my health all-around. Done deal.

For a week and a half I avoided said foods and I realized, I felt better. I had more energy, I slept better (dark circles under my eyes even went away!) and my MS symptoms were getting better everyday almost. I felt like, for the first time in over a year, I was on my way to being symptom free. Then I went out of town for ten days and my eating became more careless. It was the worst mistake I'd made.

MS took off like wildfire. Numbness that was on my leg worsened to the point of barely being able to feel it, making it hard to get around. Numbness also spread throughout the left side of my body, torso area and my forehead/scalp. I was dizzy every time I got up, I slept bad, I was always tired. I felt horrible! I went to see my specialist, embarrassingly enough, I sat on the table and started to cry when I described my symptoms to him, "I was doing so good" I kept telling myself.

My doctors had been seriously considering the newest (and most dangerous) drug for me, an immune-suppresant similar to those that cancer patients use. The entire nine months my doctors wanted me to switch, I hardly considered it because of the dangerous nature, I swore I would never let it come to "that".

As my specialist was describing the drug, I looked up at him and told him that day I would never use any of the drugs he was describing. Both my dad and my doctor were surprised at my refusal of the suggested drugs and their idea of a "better way of life" for me but I just couldn't see myself being a slave to any more drugs. It was a risk I willingly took.

I knew the whole time if I started eating according to my diet again, I'd be doing better than I would if I'd been on all those drugs. Because I was doing so good when I tried it out before. I'd been sick for so long, I was a little scared a diet couldn't do the job. But I just wanted to feel better so bad, it overrode all else. It was the hope I wanted, I needed in something that could actually help.

That night I ordered Eat Right 4 Your Type. Best $8 I ever had spent. Thanks, amazon.

I was diagnosed with MS nine years ago

When I see a 12 year old today, all I think to myself is how young they are, my 12 year old step brother is just a baby. And, no, I can't believe when I was his age, my doctors knew (but, get this, didn't tell me) I had MS. My growing up years were hard, naturally. I hated middle school almost as much as I hated high school. I dreamt of a day I could be free from hiding the fact that I have MS and accepting my limitations.

So here I am, finishing up college. It really has gone pretty smoothly, up until this last year. 2008 was a hard year for me, probably the hardest time I've had since I've had MS. I had three MS attacks (of which I hadn't had for two years, and even then not too serious) while trying to keep up with my class load. MS had never been that scary of a thing to me until last summer, the second of my three attacks. It was the first time in my life, I woke up and, literally couldn't walk. I used to come home from work everyday, sit on my bed and ask myself, reapeatedly what I was supposed to do. I had no faith in my Dr. and no idea if I was even going to be able to attend class fall semester. By some miracle (or modern medicine, however you look at it) I got better and I told myself I would do whatever it took to keep myself healthy. Four weeks later I had yet another attack. I told myself, as I had countless other times, I was done. I had to be. It was too hard, I told myself there was no way I could handle it anymore. Ironically, that is what I told myself after my first and second attacks that same year, but oh how I meant it! I never wanted to give up more than any other time in my life... it's funny how that isn't really an option. By some miracle (incredible friends, roommates, teachers, supportive family, quite a few answered prayers) I made it through the semester with pretty decent grades, too. I still don't know how I did it but I've never been so proud of anything as I was when I finished that semester.

I've been home since before Christmas and MS goes back and forth. It is soooo frustrating. Some days can be just so hard to get around. I'm 22, life shouldn't be like this, at least not yet. So, I began somewhat of a quest in February to find something that will help myself get back on track and here is what I found.