I was diagnosed with MS nine years ago

When I see a 12 year old today, all I think to myself is how young they are, my 12 year old step brother is just a baby. And, no, I can't believe when I was his age, my doctors knew (but, get this, didn't tell me) I had MS. My growing up years were hard, naturally. I hated middle school almost as much as I hated high school. I dreamt of a day I could be free from hiding the fact that I have MS and accepting my limitations.

So here I am, finishing up college. It really has gone pretty smoothly, up until this last year. 2008 was a hard year for me, probably the hardest time I've had since I've had MS. I had three MS attacks (of which I hadn't had for two years, and even then not too serious) while trying to keep up with my class load. MS had never been that scary of a thing to me until last summer, the second of my three attacks. It was the first time in my life, I woke up and, literally couldn't walk. I used to come home from work everyday, sit on my bed and ask myself, reapeatedly what I was supposed to do. I had no faith in my Dr. and no idea if I was even going to be able to attend class fall semester. By some miracle (or modern medicine, however you look at it) I got better and I told myself I would do whatever it took to keep myself healthy. Four weeks later I had yet another attack. I told myself, as I had countless other times, I was done. I had to be. It was too hard, I told myself there was no way I could handle it anymore. Ironically, that is what I told myself after my first and second attacks that same year, but oh how I meant it! I never wanted to give up more than any other time in my life... it's funny how that isn't really an option. By some miracle (incredible friends, roommates, teachers, supportive family, quite a few answered prayers) I made it through the semester with pretty decent grades, too. I still don't know how I did it but I've never been so proud of anything as I was when I finished that semester.

I've been home since before Christmas and MS goes back and forth. It is soooo frustrating. Some days can be just so hard to get around. I'm 22, life shouldn't be like this, at least not yet. So, I began somewhat of a quest in February to find something that will help myself get back on track and here is what I found.